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| Okay. Time to lay out my thoughts, and say what I'm thinking.
So I received a bid from Chi Delta Theta about 20 minutes ago.
What is a bid? Well, it means that I rushed throughout rush week, the sorority likes me, and that if I accept it, I will have to go through the horrendous process known as pledging.
Which will kill me. I know that almost all of the newest members of Chi Delta Theta were about *THIS* close to leaving during the pledge process, just because it was such a struggle.
And honestly, I know I'm going to be thinking that about everyday of the pledge process. Should I leave? Is this worth it? Is this what I really want?
That kind of stuff.
Anyway, I have plans today. A LOT of plans, to be honest. However, Chi Delta Theta is asking me to make time for them and their ice cream social today. It isn't a requirement to go; however, it will help me make my decision about actually joining the sorority, which is a big deal.
My point is that already, at this point, I have to pick: the sorority, or my friends? It's impossible to have everything, and I'm so lost at this point that I don't really know what to do anymore.
I feel like I'm going to be picking between this old life and new life quite a bit in the next few months. And probably for the rest of my college life. I'll see.
Okay, just as a reminder to myself: I promise I will not lose myself.
Wish me luck.
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| So I think I have a... dilemma.
Here's the thing. I want to join a sorority.
I do. I like the idea of being surrounded by an endless amount of opportunities, of having dances and formals and whatnot to go to, of networking with people I never would have met otherwise, and of having a large group of sisters who will push me and be there for me wherever I go.
But.
There are so many reasons for me not to join.
First of all, school. I am busy as crap with school, because I am a chem major and the amount of work I have is killing me. Especially since I'm not particularly good with math or physics anyways. So if I am this busy with school, how much time will I have to pledge for this sorority? And I already KNOW that I'm not going to have much time when that starts, because pledging is a serious time commitment. I already know.
Second of all, what if there's hazing?!?!!?! I am such a wimp, and if they do things that I am seriously THAT uncomfortable with, I will die. DIE! I am unstable and insecure enough already. Don't need them to add that much pressure, although, I know it will happen.
Third of all, money. I know there will be monthly dues that I could easily save by not joining a sorority.
And fourth of all (and this is the most important reason of them all), I have a boyfriend. I have a loving, caring, sweet beyond BELIEF boyfriend who is very willing to stick this out with me if I really choose to go through the process of joining a sorority... but do I really want to make him go through it with me? I know it will be hard, and I know I won't have nearly enough time for him during the pledge process, and even after that ends. So is it worth it? Will this bond with my sisters and the endless amount of social events be worth it in the end? I do not know. And I guess there is no way TO know, unless I actually try. But...man, to make Justin go through all of this with me is hell. I initially thought that if I decided to go for this opportunity of joining a sorority, that it would break me and Justin apart. We are simply too different--and the thing is, I'm scared that after I join, I will be too different from him. So different to the point that I won't even be able to talk to him anymore. And that scares me. I don't want that to happen. I can't let that happen. Honestly, I really care about Justin, and I never, ever want to lose him. Ever. Seriously. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, and, well, I can't lose that. Something this valuable isn't worth all the sororities in the world.
Through the process, I promise that I will not lose myself.
I will not drink. I will not cheat on my boyfriend. I will not falter in my studies. I will do everything I can to keep things the same.
If I pledge, that is.
Sigh. I really do wish that I were more decisive. Everything would be easier that way.
Oh well. I guess I'll see. Wish me luck!
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| I finished a physics assignment... BY MYSELF?!?!?!
WTF??? Since when was I any good at figuring out ANYTHING in physics?
Haha. Just wanted to say that I am currently very proud of myself. And a bunch of physics forums that DEFINITELY helped me out when I was stuck. And Maddie. :D
Yeeeee! School is looking slightly, slightly more up.
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| THIS is troublesome. There are several things on my mind. Let's make a list.
- JUSTIN. Troubletroubletrouble.
- SORORITY. SHOULD I PLEDGE??!?!?!!!?!?!????????????
- ....how do I NOT fail physics? D:
- HOW DO I IMPROVE SCHOOLWISE/OVERALL
Everything else in my life is okay. Other than those four things. Eek. Will figure out soon!
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| Just so you all know I'm not dying of despair,
I'm not.
I'm quite alive, actually.
Went to Justin's dorm earlier, and while it was not the perfectly staged movie scene like it was in my head, it was... well, anticlimactic. I mean, nice. It was nice.
Haha. Anyway, I'm okay. As of now. I'll stop being bipolar.
Kthxbi
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